My Communication

I’ve been out with Covid for about three weeks now. During this time I came to realize something. Before I get into all that, let me state my disclosures. This is ME. I’m not talking about other women. We can discuss it, but don’t try to change how I feel about it. I’m just saying.

I never denied the claim that I’m spoiled, because I am spoiled. No arguing there. Still, I always said I wasn’t a snobby brat. That I also still stand by. However… I realized one very important reason I stay single. Of course, I have my personal standards of what I need and want. Some I can comprise with, others, I don’t comprise at all.

One of those things I place an extreme high importance on is communication. Yes, most people SAY it’s important in their various relationships, but don’t actually show it. Sometimes people just mean communication as in knowing each other and/or where each other are, or what they are doing. All which are important.

The part of communication I’m talking about today is a little different. Again, understand this is ME. Friends have a certain level of communication. We don’t have to talk every day, or even every week. My best friend, we may talk once a month, but we understand each other. We communicate in number of different ways.

Friends with benefits require a different type of communication. So, you know, being a boyfriend, fiancee, husband is on a whole different level. One thing that’s for certain is, you will not stop talking mid conversation (unless you’re at work of course) and expect me to answer you at the drop of a dime. Nope. It doesn’t matter which level we are, it will not be okay. You will not go days without some form of communication and expect this to work. I enjoy the random text, the random phone calls. True enough, you don’t need to text, call or email ALL day. I don’t even need to see you everyday. Still, I love the corny, cute and flirty messages and calls.

You will not ignore me and think it’s okay. You will not not check on me when I’m sick and think it’s okay. You will not say a proper greeting (mainly when it’s the first conversation of the day) before stating what you want and think it’s okay. You will not treat me as an option and not a priority and think it’s okay. You will not dismiss me in public and call/text me in private and expect it to be okay. You will contact me only when you want something and think it’s cool.

Every type of relationship require good communication. Some more than others. Don’t expect more than you are willing to give. Again, we can discuss this all day.

Poetry & Life

Those that know me know I love poetry. Yes, I write it, but I also love reading and hearing other poets spit. Me, I’m a newbie with in the spoken word arena. I’m still learning my flow. But that’s neither here nor there.

Since I’ve been back in Georgia, I’ve heard and met some amazing poets that come from all over the country. I’ve met some of the best. Some that make their living off their spoken word. To see that growth and that amazing talent is just awe inspiring. I’ve been going through my CDs from the poets, listening, learning, enjoying their pieces. To hear such great talent and not take away something from them would be pure sin. Or just laziness. Neither I am known for. Tonight I want to talk about one specific poet from South Carolina name Ray Manley.

His CD deals with mostly relationships. He has an erotic flare that will make a novice blush. He will bring out the inner freak in you too. Don’t sleep on him. I know the erotic pieces is what most of the people will take away from the CD, but it goes much deeper than that. Let’s talk about that, shall we.

Yes, I’m currently single. No, I don’t really sweat it, don’t too much worry about it. Every now and then I’ll have a moment where I wish I wasn’t. Those are few and far in between. When I listened to Ray’s CD the second go round, I realized why I really loved his CD. Why I loved ALL his pieces. Yes, all. How often does that happen? I know you want to know what was on the CD, what his poems are about. I’m getting there.

So, I’ve always said I had some old fashion ways about myself. My standards are my standards and I won’t lower them to meet someone else’s because they feel intimidated. Yes, I’ve been told I should. True enough, I’m sure the books I’ve read may have tainted my wants a bit, but not much. Before you ask, yes I do compromise where I see that I’m not compromising me. Yes, I prefer tall guys, six feet plus. Yes, I will date and have dated some shorter. I prefer pepperoni pizza. Sure, I’ll get a meat lovers. No, I’m not a morning person. Sure, we can take the early morning flight, or leave on a road trip early, or even go have breakfast (every now and then on the breakfast. LOL) Those type of things I can comprise on because it doesn’t lower my standards. No, I don’t smoke. No, I won’t date a smoker. Yes, I have a job, a car, and my own place. Yes, you need a job, preferably some type of transportation (unless you medically can’t drive) and somewhere to live. I understand if you have roommate, or stay with a parent. But my question is why are you staying with that parent? Is it because you’re helping foot the bills, are they sick or are you just being lazy? Those type of things I don’t compromise on. I must say, the older I get the higher the standards go. Ya’ll know the saying: “To know better is to do better.”

Now back to Mr. Manley here. His poetry to me speaks so much truth like so many other poets. His stuff breaks down the relationships in a way you may have never heard before. Even the erotic pieces tell the TRUTH. Sure, I know I’m spoiled, but I’m not bratty. I know what I want, I know what I like, and I know how I DESERVE to be treated. Every woman, regardless of race should be treated like a Queen. Every man, regardless of race should be treated like a King. While I say that, are YOU doing your part? Ray talks about the importance of foreplay, the importance of how to treat your woman. He discusses the push and pull in relationships. We all know it’s not always Sunny in California. Relationships go though what I call phases. Me, I truly believe, if you enter into a relationship, a marriage for the right reasons, you will be able to push through those phases. Before you start, yes, I’ve been married. Yes, I did for all the WRONG reasons. Even then I knew it. Now, at 40, I know better. I refuse to settle.

Today I posted on my facebook page a line from one of his pieces. He said “She should not have the fortitude to tell you what you can and can’t do after you’ve weakened her will.” That line there did something, turned on a switch or something. As a man, my man, I shouldn’t have the desire to tell you no. I should be ready to please you because you took care of me. Because as the head of the house, you handled your business. Ladies, that does not mean you just take and don’t give. You have to help him, allow him to do his part. Don’t be in such a rush to pitch a fit every time you don’t get what you want. (Easier said than done, I know.) As I listened to the entire CD the second time around I listened to the words, listened to how they were spoken, understood the meaning. Did I mention, read between the lines? Yes, it’s true, I don’t know Ray Manley on a personal level, don’t know personally if this is the stuff he really does. However, being a poet, knowing poets on a personal level, some of that was him if not all. I’m not putting him on a pedestal, because no one deserves that but God. Still, there’s something to be said about a man being a man. A strong man. A man that protects and provides for his. There’s nothing sexier than seeing a strong man handle his business, both inside and outside the bedroom.

I want to talk to my women for a moment. Women………As a woman, we need to raise our standards. We need to stop allowing lazy men to make your life harder than it needs to be. Demand they do better. BUT make sure you’re doing better too. When I see customers in the store shopping, or at Starbucks where I’m writing, I’m amazed at the level of disrespect that you allow to happen. Is being with someone really that important for them to disrespect you, to belittle you and to do it public? Is it really that important to have companionship that it’s like you’re supporting another child? Okay, your married, he’s sick, he’s disabled. I get that. Still does that give him the right to treat you any less than what you deserve? Yes, we have to work in most cases to help cover expenses. Yes, companies lay off, but is he sitting at home playing video games or out drinking with his buddies spending your money while you’re struggling to pay the bills? I don’t don’t care how cliche’ this sounds, but if I’m going to do bad, I’ll do that by myself. I don’t need help in that. I refuse to preach, but we were created to be his helper, not another mother. You want better? You want more, GET MORE. DO BETTER. Yes, it may be hard work, but it can be done. I’m done. 🙂

Let me say this. I think both men and women alike should get his CD. My opinion. Fellas, you may want to step your game up if you’re not top notch before you let your woman listen to it. Trust me, she’ll expect you to put in some work. She’ll be waiting for you to seduce her without a touch.

Thank you Ray Manley for those awesome pieces of work. Keep up the good work. You rock.

OFFICIAL PRODUCT RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

“Why Relationships Don’t Last” by Sharice Rogers

“Why Many Relationships Don’t Last”

Relationships are based on the way in which two people regard or behave toward each other. There’s a base word in relationship, which is “relate”. Relate is defined as to make or to show connection between. For two people to have instant regard for each other, there must be some consistent consideration extended to each other’s positions. There should be enough attention to or concern for one another’s interests, concerns, and wellbeing. We should function in a state of mindfulness that reassures our partners that they are special to us. There will be times when a difference of opinion might spark a standoff of morals and values that challenge the foundation of a person’s existence. At such moments as these anxiety and opposition presents itself; and its how we communicate in such intense moments that will dictate the longevity of the relationship. Opposition derived from passion between two people that project different position culturally, religiously, or demographically will expose the core values and beliefs of each person; which can be a very sensitive place for both people. Our tough spots are revealed in such times as these, however I believe this is where patience, humility, and grace is born. Because if you can deny yourself for the sake of something bigger that you (relationship), you get the opportunity to extend love and experience love on a higher level than lust could ever provide. When you value someone or something enough you will nurture and protect it with high regard. Always remember, if your union warms your heart, gives you a sense of existence and glow, and encourages hour growth; then its worth some sacrifices such as patience, humility, and grace. Henceforth, you can’t be in a relationship by yourself so when you find that special someone or should they find you, be willing to lose some of yourself so that you can gain some of that special someone else.

To maintain a sense of regard in a relationship, certain factors should exist. For one you should have some common interests, common goals, and common beliefs. Without these factors, your relationship most likely is built on tangibles such as looks, money, and status to name a few. Tangibles are usually those things that meet the naked eye and can be experienced instantly. We can experience sex, fine wine, diamonds, and the finest of clothes in very short time frames without any knowledge of each other’s core values, last name, or shoe size. This experience has the potential to be short lived once the thrill of the tangibles fades. Meaning there’s not much value in tangibles unless you have the intangibles to match them. Intangibles are those things that you can’t touch or grasp, nor do they have a physical presence. Intangibles include things like confidence, class, virtue, standards, and values. As you have probably noted by now, intangibles outweigh the tangibles in the pursuit to longevity of a relationship. If your goal is to grow old with your mate you’re better off starting off with conversation about who you are, why you are, and where you are in life. To some this might sound boring; but I’ll take boring over heartache any day. Focusing on what kind of car the person drives or how attractive they are before focusing on what type of value system they live from can be a very messy experience. Women we must stand for self-respect and virtue when dating because you’re only going to experience that person to the degree of what you project and the boundaries you set up front. Be willing to explore and to be explored. Meaning ask questions, take walks, be simplistic, laugh and enjoy the little things that life offers us. It’s when the pretentious nature is void that the true nature prevails. Let’s get back to the basics of dating without selfish intentions. Be willing to allow the universe to take part in the process by being just, and honest, and pure. There is no amount of money that can buy true love which is the ultimate experience life offers in a relationship.

Relationships depend your ability to relate to each other, because its what’s going to keep the ship sailing through the calm seas and the high tides. As things get turbulent and they will at times it’s usually to test your growth and solidarity. Most of the time we usually have what it takes to navigate ourselves back to the shore of harmony and bliss; it just depends on our core values of how strong the foundation we’ve built. If the foundation of your relationship is built on material, presentation, and status your happiness will ride the waves of tangible access. Should the foundation of your relationship be built on intangibles such as morals and commonality then your relationship will be refined in the fire, just as a diamond shine so will the carats of the value in your relationship. We must remember that, if we want to attract quality, we must acquire our own. Spending time in your own world getting to know your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, your gifts and talents, and so on will allow you to walk with confidence in yourself, you will have no problem setting boundaries and having standards that project your worth. As black women, today we are presented in the media as trophies and possessions and we can change that one by one. Wake up, show up, and show out, with virtue, and articulation, poise, and grace. Let’s make our ancestors proud because they worked hard to get us to the table, all we should do is occupy the seat. Should there not be a seat at the table for you then the opportunity is there to set your own table. You must know who you are to tell someone else, you should be who you are so that society can experience your uniqueness. No one can perfect your craft without your vision, you must be willing to show up in your life and live it so that you’re not mistreated or misunderstood. You must breath life into your own existence before you can expect someone else to share theirs with you the more each person brings to the table the longer the feast will last.

More about Sharice:

I am a native Washingtonian who love to write. I journal and I write poetry. I desire to write my first book soon.

My blog address is Kre8tive17.blogpost.com and my Domain is Kre8tiv I can be reached here and inboxed on facebook at Sharice Rogers

Dating & Parents

I was recently on Facebook and one of my author friends posted a question that was pretty thought provoking.

QUESTION: So you’re dating this dude and he takes you to meet his mom. She is very nice to you and offers you coffee. Then she sends her son to the store. She looks you in the eye and says, I love my son, but baby he ain’t shit. You should run. What would you do?

When I first read the question, my thought was like so many others. RUN 🏃👟 and don’t look back!!! However, I stopped. ✋ How do I know she’s telling me this because it’s true? Maybe she just wants to get rid of me because she feels I’m just not good enough in her eyes 👀.  I mean really what do you do? Either way I’m still thinking “Houston we have a problem!!!” 

How can both situations be a problem? Let’s take a brief moment to exam this thoroughly shall we.  As a reminder, remember there are always a few exceptions. 

Like I said, my first thought was to run! And not a slow run either. I mean get out of there as fast as you can, run!!! Seriously who wants to be with someone, male or female, who’s parent just told you their child was no good?  Think about it?  Most parents know their children.  Can you see it now?  You ignore her/him and continue to date him.  Three months, six months, or a year down the road and you finally open your eyes and see that the truth was there from the beginning.  You start replaying all the past events and it breaks your heart.  You get angry.  You may even seek revenge.  Is that what you reaelly want?  Again, there are some exceptions to this rule.  Their parents may have ignored them and don’t really know them.  That is an exception, not a rule.

So my second thought was to wait it out and see what happens.  Keep your eyes open of course.  Yet again, I see that as being disastrous as well.  You don’t believe me?  So, the parent is lying all the way around right?  Now you’ve decided to move on.  Things get serious, may even go so far as to get married, who knows.  Guess what?  Most of you will STILL be dealing with that deceptive parent.  You’ll still be dealing with the lies all because they think you are not good enough or you’re interfering with their relationship.  Maybe he’ll take your side, maybe not.  Maybe he’ll act like he is but still not really caring?  Who knows the true future right.  The exception would be he sets her straight and ya’ll live happily ever after.  Do you really want to constantly be looking over your shoulder or always bickering?  I personally prefer my sanity.

Even when I scroll up and reread the question, I still feel the same way.  I would probably end up leaving.  If not right away, but more and likely sooner than later.  I would love to hear your thoughts.  What would you do in this situation?

The One That Got Away…

The One That Got Away…Or did they?

So you meet someone.  Then the next thing you know you’re not together.  Sometimes we can look back and we’ll be thinking, “I shoulda, I woulda, I coulda”.  Then that changes to “Dang, I let that one get away.  Slip through my fingers.”  Do you remember saying that?  Do you think there’s a reason you’re not with that person?  Maybe they didn’t get away, they were shown a different route.  What do I mean?  What am I talking about?

There was a time when I use to say about an ex-boyfriend that he was the one that got away.  The that slipped right through.  We just couldn’t take it to that next level.  It was always something. Over the past few years though, I have started to see things a whole lot differently.  No longer do I see the situation with giddy and excited eyes, but with reality.  With clarity and understanding.  Let’s not get this confused with regret.  I don’t regret the choices I made because at the time they were what I wanted.  I just understand the reasoning things happened better now.

I use to think that something always prevented us from progressing.  Always thought that maybe it just wasn’t the right time in our lives.  NOW… I understand, he didn’t slip away.  We were taken down different paths because that path we wanted, wasn’t the best for us.  As a matter of fact, it would have been an awful path.  When I see clearly now who the person is without all the history, the giddiness, the emotional roller coaster, I can see we were not supposed to be together.  We kept trying to make something happen that was not supposed to happen.  The signs were there from the beginning, but i just couldn’t see clearly.  After so many years, I finally understand.

So again, I ask you…Are they they one that slipped away?

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