My Communication

I’ve been out with Covid for about three weeks now. During this time I came to realize something. Before I get into all that, let me state my disclosures. This is ME. I’m not talking about other women. We can discuss it, but don’t try to change how I feel about it. I’m just saying.

I never denied the claim that I’m spoiled, because I am spoiled. No arguing there. Still, I always said I wasn’t a snobby brat. That I also still stand by. However… I realized one very important reason I stay single. Of course, I have my personal standards of what I need and want. Some I can comprise with, others, I don’t comprise at all.

One of those things I place an extreme high importance on is communication. Yes, most people SAY it’s important in their various relationships, but don’t actually show it. Sometimes people just mean communication as in knowing each other and/or where each other are, or what they are doing. All which are important.

The part of communication I’m talking about today is a little different. Again, understand this is ME. Friends have a certain level of communication. We don’t have to talk every day, or even every week. My best friend, we may talk once a month, but we understand each other. We communicate in number of different ways.

Friends with benefits require a different type of communication. So, you know, being a boyfriend, fiancee, husband is on a whole different level. One thing that’s for certain is, you will not stop talking mid conversation (unless you’re at work of course) and expect me to answer you at the drop of a dime. Nope. It doesn’t matter which level we are, it will not be okay. You will not go days without some form of communication and expect this to work. I enjoy the random text, the random phone calls. True enough, you don’t need to text, call or email ALL day. I don’t even need to see you everyday. Still, I love the corny, cute and flirty messages and calls.

You will not ignore me and think it’s okay. You will not not check on me when I’m sick and think it’s okay. You will not say a proper greeting (mainly when it’s the first conversation of the day) before stating what you want and think it’s okay. You will not treat me as an option and not a priority and think it’s okay. You will not dismiss me in public and call/text me in private and expect it to be okay. You will contact me only when you want something and think it’s cool.

Every type of relationship require good communication. Some more than others. Don’t expect more than you are willing to give. Again, we can discuss this all day.

My First Kiss & Love

My first kiss and my first love. Where to start?? I will start by saying that I will not tell you their names. Why? That’s just not the right thing to do. If they are reading this, they will know it’s them.

So……here we go.

My first kiss was a year or so after high school. I was 19 years old. Late I know. Even then, it wasn’t spectacular. Yet, it wasn’t awful either. It was just standard, okay. I know that sounds harsh. The guy wasn’t bad, it just didn’t do anything for me.  As much as I wanted it to, it wasn’t there. Nothing I could do about that. However, that should have been a sign. That relationship didn’t last very long.

I do wish my first kiss was the same as my first love. My first love……one word….WOW. My first love was earth shattering. The break up was too. Even still, this was the one that did it for me. When I say he did it, I mean he did everything.  He was the one that raised the bar. The one that made my heart skip a beat, get butterflies in my stomach, cheesing from ear to ear. He’s the one that I think we deserved a better chance. But, at that age, what do we really know? He was a friend first. He understood me. Or at least I thought he did.

Yes, I know we are not together, haven’t been for years, but even now he still sets this high bar that only one came close to reaching. He was there when I needed him the most. He was patient and understanding. Although we were not meant to be together for a lifetime, he was the season I needed. The season that took my breath away. He did it so easily.

I’m spoiled, but not materialistic. He gets that. I’m strong willed yet flexible. He gets that.  My standards are high yet simple. He gets that.  I like to be pampered but not smothered. He gets that. No, he’s not perfect. Yes, he has his faults. Hence, we are not together. He was a season that is so memorable and remarkable that nothing can change my thoughts and feelings about how we were, how I felt.

Breaking up with him was hard. Very hard. Harder than me leaving my ex husband. My ex husband, I cried for all of 15 minutes and moved on. On the other hand, my first love breakup, I cried for days. I couldn’t even go to work. Never felt that bad before, or since then. Seeing him after years still gave me the jitters. Still made me giddy with excitement.

I’m the person that don’t try to back to relationships that ended. This one, I did try. That was such a hard lesson to learn. The second time didn’t break heart as much as it pissed me off. I guess, maybe that really was my way of dealing with heartbreak at that time.

However, life moves on. I’ve moved on. The standard is there still there with a few adjustments to account for age, new experiences and new desires. He just no longer meets the standard he set. That’s the weird part to me. Still, he has his own life experiences to contend with. This all made me realize that some relationships are better left as friends. Had we not tried again, I believe we would still be friends. Will we be friends again in the future? This, only time will tell.

My Life Beliefs

Definition of BELIEF: an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

I have many beliefs that I strongly stick by. Some were taught to me growing up. Others, I learned later in life. For me, my beliefs are my own. Some you may agree with, some you won’t. And that’s okay. I know how to agree to disagree.  What I love about true friends, you don’t have to agree all the time.

One thing that I am very strict on is moving in together. To you that may be crazy. But that doesn’t change my view. No marriage, no living together.
As lame as this may sound, I think it saved me. While we are, I might as well say this too. I don’t date just to date. No I’m not desperate or dying to get married. It’s just a waste of time if it isn’t moving that way. Otherwise, what really is the point? Don’t try to change my mind because it won’t work.

I refuse to allow any job to kill me. My family and health come first. After my visit to the hospital a few years ago, I realized it was time for a change. I was hospitalized because all my vitals were at stroke levels. All my tests have back normal. So because of that I changed career paths a few times. My health is better in many ways for that change. Still, like nature, other issues arose, but still, I think I’m better.

I don’t believe in the line “Break up to make up”. Great song, but far from my reality. I don’t believe in drama or going backwards. Either we stick it out with less drama or we go our separate ways. There is no getting back together. If we broke up, then we broke up for a reason. Twice I went against that and it was not pretty. I’m peaceful and fairly easy to get along with.  So, I prefer as lil drama as possible.

Of course I have the basic beliefs that are core. I don’t steal, lie, or practice violence.   These are a few of my beliefs. Of course I have many other beliefs. Some of which I don’t typically discuss. No, it’s not that I’m afraid or embarrassed. I just rather not jump into those conversations. Unless we are dating and hit that serious stage, we probably won’t discuss a number of things. My beliefs don’t change because others don’t fit. If you have a belief (that isn’t against the law) then stick to it. If you believe it, and have your reasons to back it up why worry about others thoughts? Just make sure you stay within the law. I would also say stay morally upright, but that’s a whole different discussion that I rather not jump into right this minute.

Like I said, these are just some of my beliefs that have carried me throughout the years.

Testing Positive For Covid

So, we are a week into 2021. How are you feeling. Before I reflect on 2020, let me tell you how my 2021 actually started.

I ended the year with Covid. Yep, I’ve been in quarantine all week so far. I’ve tried not to complain much because there are others that have it much worse than I do.

I started feeling bad on Christmas evening with a cough and itchy throat. Over the next few days I thought I was developing a sinus infection. I never showed a fever, but I kept going hot and cold.

So, I go to work thinking I’ll just shake it off. That morning it was under 40°, but, I was sweating like crazy. Finally, I was convinced to go to the doctor. Again, I really thought it was my sinuses acting up again. Low and behold, I had a positive Covid test result. That threw me for a loop. Before even pulling out of the parking lot, I called the necessary people.

Yes, I got a little scared once I sat down. Still I couldn’t let it worry me. I took each symptom as they came and rolled with it. What where my symptoms? Running hot/cold, sore/itchy throat, severe headaches, fatigue (more than normal), eye pain, body aches and a loss of appetite. As you can see symptoms were many, but some different from others.

Do I know who got it from or how? I’m not 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure who, when and where I received it. The person I believe I got it from never went to the doctor even after a family member was tested positive for Covid. Well a few days later “they” started coughing. Then three days later I started coughing. No, “they” never went to the doctor. Still walking around and possibly spreading it.

This is what makes me mad, you came in contact, but you’re so worried about a job that will post your position the same week you die. So, you just walk around and possibly spreading it to others. At this point in the pandemic, how can we be so clueless and careless?

I may not always agree with what various government agencies may say, but, the science speaks volumes. The virus is real and we all need to take it serious. Will I take the vaccine? Probably not. Not enough proven facts just yet. I’m just saying. Everyone has to make a personal decision on that one. Still, everyone should be taking the necessary precautions everyday to help us get rid of this virus.


I’m going in a few days to get retested. Hopping for good news. In the mean time, protect yourself. Stay safe.

“Yes, I Did It”

10 years ago I wrote this piece. Personally, it’s still one of my favorites. Should I start practicing for open Mic???

“YES I DID IT”

Yes I did it
Had you eating out the palm of my hand
Had you wrapped around my finger

Yes I did it
Won you with a smile
Sealed it with a poem

Yes I did it
Got your heart without a kiss
Got your mind without a date

Yes I did it
I gave you the map
And still got you lost

Yes I did it
I showed you a real woman
Then took her away

Yes I did it
Gave you the urge
And fulfilled a need

Yes I did it
I had your nose wide open
And your dick hard a steal

Yes I did it
I had you feigning for the pussy
And never gave you a sample

Yes I did it
Had you sprung from GA
Had you falling from DC

Yes I did it
I seduced you mentally with sexual seduction
Then I fucked you with sexual freedom

Yes I did it
Yes I did it
Yes I did it

Mashawn Mickels (C) July 2010

Review (Hamilton, The musical)

Business Review

“Hamilton”

The Musical (Disney+)

So I finally had the chance to see “Hamilton” on Disney+. Actually by now I’ve seen it a number of times! The review is strictly based off the Disney+ version with the original cast because I have seen the live edition.

To me, there was only one thing that was really wrong in the movie. That was during the song “Satisfied” being sung mainly by Angelica. During this specific song you can see the flower on the front of her dress come and go depending on the camera and angle. How does that happen with a live performance? I don’t know, but it didn’t take away from the song and show.

I overall enjoyed the show. Enjoyed it so much I’ve watched it a number of times. I’ve downloaded the soundtrack and remix album too. This musical was surprisingly accurate. After watching the first time, I noticed some things I didn’t really remember from history, so I did some research here and there. I came to understand the founding fathers just a tad bit more. I think Lin portrayed them pretty good in the show.

I was really impressed by the accuracy of the costume designs too for that time period. At first, I was thinking it didn’t seem right, but as I was researching, I saw that it was very accurate. Many people I spoke to thought it didn’t have enough dialog. Me, I found it refreshing to not having so much talking. After all it is a musical, not just a stage play. That fact that Lin was able to do this using hip hop, rap and jazz is pretty amazing.

Of course, since it released on Disney+ I’ve been checking some of the behind the scenes and stuff too. YouTube has been great. Watching some of that helped understand the characters and actors a bit more. If I enjoy a movie, I will watch it more than once. I’m glad I did with this. I’m still spotting stuff I didn’t notice before. Things that were not necessarily in the foreground, bu more so in the background, in the shadows. Would we have seen that in the live performance? I don’t know.

The actors and actresses were all outstanding. Of course, personally some stood out more than others. However, I do give them all A+ for their amazing acting, dancing and singing. I find that they were able to fit a lot into the two and half hour performance. I know they couldn’t add everything, that would be unreasonable. They did fantastic.

Do I recommend you seeing this? YES. Will I still try to see the live version? YES.

Overall Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

My Bad Habit

A bad habit. At least that’s what I consider it. Sometimes it works in my favor. Other times, not so much. This bad habit I’ve been working on for years. I don’t know if it’ll ever change, but I’m still working on it.

My facial expression always says it all. Like the saying goes “I wear my heart on my sleeves.” If I’m mad at you, you’ll see it. Won’t have to say a word. If I’m disgusted with something, you’ll see it. However, on the flip side, if I’m happy, you’ll know. If I love you, you’ll see it.

I was told early in my career that I needed to work on that and that I’ve been working on. Needless to say, I’ve not accomplished much. Still, I’ve made a little progress in controlling my expressions. Just not when I’m angry. Sometimes I can now conceal hurt. I can even conceal an attraction.
Still, this is something I’m working on.
I’ve gotten better over the years, but it’s still there. One thing I can never seem to hide is when I’m not feeling good. No amount of training or practice has helped in the slightest bit.

I’ll never be able to play poker, because, I don’t think I’ll have that much control. Still, I think I’ve gotten better over the years. Not great, but better for sure.

What’s a bad habit that you haven’t been able to break?

My Rant

I don’t even know where to start my rant. I would normally do this as a business tip, but I’m not feeling that right now. I do want to say though I love supporting others in their business when I can.

That being said. I hate feeling like I’m begging to give you my business. When I do give you my business I expect the same courtesy and business etiquette you give others, regardless of our personal relationship. Now I completely understand completions and delays. Still, that’s when communication comes into play.

I don’t care what race you are when it comes to business. Even with the economic situation today, that’s a non factor. I do enjoy visiting and using local businesses as much as possible. Even when I travel, my best friend will tell you, I enjoy hitting the local places, I even have a few favorite places I like to hit every time.

When I visit your business or use your service, I expect a certain level of service for me to return and/or recommend you to others. When I post my business review, it’s always based on that specific visit or service. Good or bad it’ll always be professional. That’s the way I like to receive my service.

Great service, I’ll send recommendations your way and more and likely use you again. Poor service I won’t ever recommend you or use you again.

Business Tip: Treat all your customers the same and professional. Be prompt and use communication as much as possible. If you are unable to serve a customer, tell them. Good business etiquette results in more business. Poor business etiquette results in less business.

My Heroes

Life has changed
Flipped upside down
Inside out
The precedent has changed
The things we took for granted
Has been taken away
What we use to depend on
Has been washed away
Stress has increased
Anxiety has doubled
The one thing that hasn’t changed
Is my family
The love
The care
The open hearts
It’s what keeps me moving
Keeps me stepping forward
When I’m stressed
When I need to cry
When I’m anxious
When I want to scream
When I want to give up
They are there
That helping hand
That uplifting voice
It’s always there
It’s the constant in my life
No matter what else happens
What else is going on
They are there
My group of
HEROES

Quiet Storm⚡ April 7, 2020