Friend To Associate

Just about five months ago I changed jobs. Went from retail to working from home. I’m so happy about that move. Not just because of Covid either, but my overall health. Less wear and tear on my body, especially my knees. Both of which I had replaced. I need them to last those 30 years!! I also learned more about myself and what I need.

One thing I’ve noticed is who I talk to and the conversations I have with them have changed. Some I talk to more. Others I barely talk to.  I’m not saying that we are ‘beefing’ or anything, we just drifted that quick. Others I have drawn closer too. When your focus changes, you notice other things that need to change. Nothing wrong with that. It’s called growth.

This also taught me many things. Some had to drop from friend status to associate status. It amazes how little I want to deal with some. Why? Have I changed? Have they changed? I know I’ve changed. I think my standards and what makes me thrive are more prevalent now. So, I find myself not tolerating anyone who doesn’t add to me and I add to them. It must go both ways.

I’ve noticed how some assume things about me. Sure you may assume I’m going to eat pizza, or have groceries delivered or text you before I call. Really that’s about all. Don’t make claims on my time by assuming I’m busy or not, or even I’m doing something or not. Granted I may read every day, but I do more than that. I watch the Olympics every day, but I do more. In other words, don’t assume, ask.

Some of the people I’ve increased my conversations with are truly amazing. We talk regularly and on many different topics. We encourage one another and be that shoulder to lean on (virtually of course) or the ear to vent to. We share our successes and failures.  Some of which moved from associate to friend.

When it comes to those I call friends, or even the ones that may want more there certain things that really show me who you are or what you’re about. There’s been so much going on over the past year and half since Covid broke out.  Everyone is concerned and we all have those moments when you just need the comforting words from a friend or family member. What you don’t need under any circumstance is someone making you feel worse. I want my friends to stay stay strong, so I would do my best to keep them up. Always remember, a solution isn’t always needed. Sometimes just a listening ear is enough.

It’s amazing how things can change in a short amount of time. There’s nothing wrong when you notice you’ve changed for the better. Sometimes we take a step backwards, but remember to find a way to take the next step forward. Sometimes we have to let go and leave people where they are as we take the next step on the ladder. 

Let It Go Unapologetically

There comes a point when you just have to let go of things and people that no longer fit into your life. We, people, myself included, try to make things work. It’s like fitting a square into a circle. You can’t, it just won’t work.

There has been many times when I’ve tried to make friendships last, or relationships grow. Only to find out it’s a waste of time and energy. I truly believe that if someone wanted to be a part of your life they will be. They’ll be there all the time, not just when it benefits them.

Time and time, I give way more than I get back, and I try harder than the other person. Guess what. Those days are way over. I’m done. No more throwing hints, offering suggestions, and giving too much. No, I don’t mind giving, but when it’s not appreciated, why waste my time.

All relationships require effort. Family, friends, love and more all take take effort on BOTH parts. It’s give and take on both ends. It requires understanding and listening. Remember not just the big things, but thev small things too. What do I mean? If you KNOW me, then you’ll know that I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan, but you’ll also know I don’t drink coffee. I had an associate that remembered how I write my name when I shorten it. That’s a little thing that was remembered, even though I NEVER bought it up in conversation.

I tell people all the time, if someone can’t see you in the daylight, they don’t deserve to see you in the night light. What do I mean? If they can’t be seen with you in public, then they don’t deserve to see you in private. This goes for EVERYONE. I had some female so called friends that started acting that way. I had to let go.

Everyone has quirks about them. I know I do. Some worse than others. I can hold a grudge and be petty with the best of them. Yes, I know, not the positive side of my personality. However, the grudge part has gotten better. I figured they were not worth the energy. The petty part, while it’s not positive, it can be fun. I do try to keep it light and fun, but sometimes, I can Queen Petty when pushed.

All I’m saying is sometimes you just have to let it go. Feed them the same old, dry and stale energy they tried to feed you. You are important enough and deserve it. Be unapologetically happy.

Leadership Series – Positivity

Definition of leadership: the action of leading a group of people or an organization.”different styles of leadership”

Most of my working career has been in retail. Mainly one company. Over the last five years I’ve noticed the major decline in effective leadership within this company and others that I’ve been watching. Then I look at other companies, some I worked for, others I was watching and saw an increase in proper leadership.

One of the things I know for sure about the leadership in the various locations is that it starts at the top. When you are leading your leaders, then you grow your team and your company. I’ve seen some small business excel through this pandemic just because they had some great leaders in place.

There are so many qualities that make great leaders shine. So I’ll do a series of blogs to discuss these. Today we’ll talk about positivity.  I come from an age where this quality is taught by words and action. Yes, it still applies today.

Being positive is key in any line of business. It can alter the way your business functions and grows. When you are being positive it helps your team be open to changes and new responsibilities that may arise. Remember, everyone doesn’t like change and may take a bit to adjust.

We all understand the concept that everyone is hired to do a job. Yes, we all get that. Still, showing appreciation will make them WANT to work even harder. “Thank Yous” are free. Show your team you appreciate the work they are doing. While you’re doing that, be respectful. The worst thing you can do is treat them like children, even if they act that way sometimes. I try to remember, how would I feel? I tell people all the time “what you will not do is yell at me like I’m your two year old.” I know I’ve caught myself a few times, it’s easy to do when you get upset. Just remember, that won’t get you the best results. That positive appreciation goes a long way to being successful.

One thing that the will help you show positivity is by showing enthusiasm. When you are enthusiastic about your work it’ll show and reflect in your team. Enthusiasm is contagious. You want your team to happy, after all, when they are happy your customers/clients will be happy. Being enthusiastic also helps when you have new products or a change in the way things are done. Don’t underestimate the power of enthusiasm.

Place others before yourself, for the good of the team. Yes, you are important too. However, in leadership, sometimes we have to step back and focus on those we are leading. In one of my locations I was always missing lunch or taking a really late lunch so they could take theirs and we still get the job done. Putting them first, they thought about me. We established a great working relationship. It was a nice circle of caring and respect.

Speaking of respect, respect is vital to establishing positivity. Without respect, you can forget about any positivity you may have had. When your team knows and can feel the respect you have for them, they will respect you too. Showing respect for each individual will boost the moral of your team. When you’re nasty to them and not showing any respect, you have the opposite effect. I’ve seen awesome leaders earn respect the right way and those that earn it by fear. Getting respect through fear will not boost your positivity rating within your team or company. Instead it will have the opposite effect. Earning respect by showing respect is the best way to keep a positive, growing team.

Always remember, as a leader you are the the energy of your business. We all understand the ups and downs of business. You win some, you lose some. Just know and understand that if you don’t display that positive energy, then your team will not either.

In the next article we will discuss empathy and how of an important role that plays in effective leadership.

Biggest Regrets

We all have regrets in our life. If we didn’t, we’d be prefect. As you know, we are not perfect. Of course, some situations may sit heavier than others. Today I want to talk about one of mine.

One of my biggest, if not the biggest, regret was falling in love and getting engaged with whom I considered one of my best friends at the time. Yes, this ranks high on my list.

Why do I feel that this was one of my biggest regrets? No I don’t hate or regret that I loved him. I hate I lost my friend from a relationship that went bad. We were pretty close as friends. One of my best friends. He was one that knew me better than most people, at that time.

Maybe falling in love was the next natural course. I guess it was to be expected based off how close we were. How well did we know each other? You know me is to know I’m very picky with food, but I love food. He’s the only person outside of my immediate family that could order food for me and always get something I can eat. Yes, I trusted him to do that. He’s also one of the limited people I trust to fix me a drink and not have to watch him.

We knew things about each other our families didn’t know. Yea, that’s not too huge, but at the time it was. I guess we just didn’t know enough about each other. Where are we now? We are nowhere. Not even friends at this point. When I look back, I realized I would have much rather had his friendship today. I know I can’t guarantee we would be friends even if we hadn’t hooked up, but I like to think we would.

Even though I regret where things stand right now, I’m okay with it. After all, I’ve said it many times before, even then he set the bar, the original standard. A bar he no longer reaches, let alone the new standard. Am I mad about it? I use to be mad for a long time. Now I just use it a lesson and great memories when I feel nostalgic, which isn’t that often these days. I have my life to live, he has his.

Yes, this was one of greatest regrets throughout the years. Would I change things if I had a time machine? I don’t know. How much different would things have been? Who knows. Maybe the friendship would have dissolved on its by now. Having regrets is normal. Just make sure you don’t dwell on them. Learn from them and continue to move forward.

15 Facts About Me

Today I want to share some information or facts about me. If you know me, some stuff you may already know, others, you may not know yet. So let’s get started!

1. I’m a full fledged Dallas Cowboys fan. I don’t want to hear the mess. I’m all over it. You won’t change my mind.

2. I absolutely love to travel. I actually have a pretty long bucket list for traveling. Yes, I’m ready for Covid to be gone so I can get back to that bucket list.

3. Another absolute is the fact that I love to read. I can pretty much read a almost any genre. I’ve even jumped into some foreign language books. Yes they were translated.

4. Soul food…most of it is not my thing. Yea, I eat chicken, but a lot of things, most people eat on Thanksgiving I won’t eat. Why? It’s just one of those things.

5. I found that my taste buds have changed drastically over the last few years. One thing is the fact that I have never ever liked ginger ale in any brand. Now, I almost prefer that over my favorites, Sunkist or Fanta orange.

6. Most of the time I’m not a crier. Normally if cry then I’m ready to fight someone. Well now since I’ve had Covid, some things have changed. I find myself just crying at random times. I don’t be mad or depressed, I just start crying. It’s the craziest thing. That hormone imbalance sucks.

7. I absolutely love building my family tree. It actually excites me when I find connections in the family. Will I meet everyone, probably not. Will I contact everyone, probably not. I’m excited to see how far back I can go. Who wants to help? Taking all offers and tips.

8. Most people close to me know I love photography. I’ve been taking pictures since I was in middle school. I have most of my first pictures from Germany. That’s where it really began. I believe future generations would enjoy seeing more than just hearing about the past.

9. Call me crazy, but I like to see an actual surgery of any surgery I’m about to undergo. I’ve had 5 surgeries and I took the time to watch each surgery before hand. I just like to see how it’s done.

10. I don’t like shopping at all. Shopping for gadgets is decent enough, but I try to avoid that too. With my gadgets I did all my research and then just go buy. With everything else I hope it can just be ordered online. Even better if I can get it delivered.

11. Don’t hate me for this next one. I’ve never wanted to physically have a kid. Like, actually going through the pregnancy part. However, I wouldn’t have minded adopting one. I love kids, just didn’t want to carry one. If I had got pregnant I would have had it, but I was never trying to have one.

12. I love to teach and train. At one point in middle school and early in high school I thought I was going to be a teacher one day. That didn’t happen. I fell in love with with accounting and took that instead. Now, Wal-Mart has provided the opportunity to both teach and train in various supervisor roles throughout the years. That’s one thing I always tried to pride myself in regardless of what others thought.

13. I absolutely love watching a storm. I don’t want to be in it or see others hurt in a storm. To sit and watch a storm rage gives me life anytime I can relax and watch it.

14. I hate laziness. It’s okay to have lazy moments, but to just be lazy all the time is not cool. I understand we get tired, exhausted, and overwhelmed at times. We will have those moments. We still have to push through. If you want something, work for it. Don’t try to take the lazy way out. Work for it.

15. I like to collect books, pens and movies. My family think I collect everything. That’s false. I absolutely love books, pens (I write) and movies.

Those are just 15 random facts about me. How many of those facts did you know about me?

Handling Rejection

First let’s start be defining rejection. Why? For some reason many people don’t really understand what a rejection is.

REJECTION: the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.

We’ve all been rejected at some point in life. Most, many times. If you claim you haven’t, then you my friend need reevaluate the definition of rejection. However, this isn’t about you, or the next person, it’s actually about me.

As I prepared to write this, I thought back to some of the rejections I’ve received and some I’ve issued. Let’s be real, rejections of any kind can be heartbreaking.

Yet, I sit here flipping through my 40+ years of memories trying to find a few that may have more significance than others.

The one, or you may say two rejections that hurt the most was the breakup of my ex finance. Which lead to rejection number two years later. I should have learned the lesson the first time. The breakup was so bad, I couldn’t even work that day. My supervisor told me to go home. I cried for hours and hours. The worst part? He was deployed at the the time. How did I handle it? I prayed and meditated. I was already beginning to allow hate to build and it wasn’t even 24 hours. That could not happen. I had to remember who I was. After all another person can’t define who I am. When I decided to let go, I let go.

Yes, I heard from him throughout the years. I still got excited to hear from him. It was almost fifteen years before I physically saw him again. Yes, I was giddy then too. We had a surprisingly good evening when I was in town. We talked, cleared the air. He reminded me why he set the bar back then. Still I knew, there wouldn’t be no “us”.  I was okay with that.

Years later, years again. This time I reached out to tell him about my dad passing. This was the beginning of the next huge rejection.  He was there and not there. Was excited to have him working with me. Until, the day he called me his sister to the chick I despised most. Okay, hated the most. I didn’t even qualify for friend or ex. Yea, some would have been okay with that, but I was pissed on a whole different level. Let’s just say it’s been 5 years since we spoke. With that rejection, I lost every bit of feeling I may have had. If I see in the building I feel nothing. No love, no hate, no anger, nothing.

I think those two moments were the worst. I’ve been denied jobs, rejected by other guys, nothing had me feeling like those two moments. So how do I do it? How do I handle being rejected?

For me, it’s a thought process. If I didn’t get the job, why was I going to stress over it. I moved on. If a guy didn’t like me, that’s his loss, not mine. If someone didn’t want to be friend, it’s cool. If they didn’t want to buy my product, I’m okay with them not being in my target audience. I’ve said all that to say I just brush it off. I refuse to allow another person or situation to make me feel that bad again. Don’t misunderstand what in saying. Don’t think I don’t put my all into it. If you’re my friend, then I’m a friend. I just don’t stress those that don’t want to be in my circle. I don’t stress those that don’t think I’m capable. I just show them otherwise.

Rejections in any form is not fun. It hurts regardless of the importance. Just don’t allow it to be all consuming. If you need help handling it, go to a trusted friend or family member. If necessary, get a professional. Under no circumstances should you allow the rejection to define who you are and what you do next!

My First Kiss & Love

My first kiss and my first love. Where to start?? I will start by saying that I will not tell you their names. Why? That’s just not the right thing to do. If they are reading this, they will know it’s them.

So……here we go.

My first kiss was a year or so after high school. I was 19 years old. Late I know. Even then, it wasn’t spectacular. Yet, it wasn’t awful either. It was just standard, okay. I know that sounds harsh. The guy wasn’t bad, it just didn’t do anything for me.  As much as I wanted it to, it wasn’t there. Nothing I could do about that. However, that should have been a sign. That relationship didn’t last very long.

I do wish my first kiss was the same as my first love. My first love……one word….WOW. My first love was earth shattering. The break up was too. Even still, this was the one that did it for me. When I say he did it, I mean he did everything.  He was the one that raised the bar. The one that made my heart skip a beat, get butterflies in my stomach, cheesing from ear to ear. He’s the one that I think we deserved a better chance. But, at that age, what do we really know? He was a friend first. He understood me. Or at least I thought he did.

Yes, I know we are not together, haven’t been for years, but even now he still sets this high bar that only one came close to reaching. He was there when I needed him the most. He was patient and understanding. Although we were not meant to be together for a lifetime, he was the season I needed. The season that took my breath away. He did it so easily.

I’m spoiled, but not materialistic. He gets that. I’m strong willed yet flexible. He gets that.  My standards are high yet simple. He gets that.  I like to be pampered but not smothered. He gets that. No, he’s not perfect. Yes, he has his faults. Hence, we are not together. He was a season that is so memorable and remarkable that nothing can change my thoughts and feelings about how we were, how I felt.

Breaking up with him was hard. Very hard. Harder than me leaving my ex husband. My ex husband, I cried for all of 15 minutes and moved on. On the other hand, my first love breakup, I cried for days. I couldn’t even go to work. Never felt that bad before, or since then. Seeing him after years still gave me the jitters. Still made me giddy with excitement.

I’m the person that don’t try to back to relationships that ended. This one, I did try. That was such a hard lesson to learn. The second time didn’t break heart as much as it pissed me off. I guess, maybe that really was my way of dealing with heartbreak at that time.

However, life moves on. I’ve moved on. The standard is there still there with a few adjustments to account for age, new experiences and new desires. He just no longer meets the standard he set. That’s the weird part to me. Still, he has his own life experiences to contend with. This all made me realize that some relationships are better left as friends. Had we not tried again, I believe we would still be friends. Will we be friends again in the future? This, only time will tell.

Testing Positive For Covid

So, we are a week into 2021. How are you feeling. Before I reflect on 2020, let me tell you how my 2021 actually started.

I ended the year with Covid. Yep, I’ve been in quarantine all week so far. I’ve tried not to complain much because there are others that have it much worse than I do.

I started feeling bad on Christmas evening with a cough and itchy throat. Over the next few days I thought I was developing a sinus infection. I never showed a fever, but I kept going hot and cold.

So, I go to work thinking I’ll just shake it off. That morning it was under 40°, but, I was sweating like crazy. Finally, I was convinced to go to the doctor. Again, I really thought it was my sinuses acting up again. Low and behold, I had a positive Covid test result. That threw me for a loop. Before even pulling out of the parking lot, I called the necessary people.

Yes, I got a little scared once I sat down. Still I couldn’t let it worry me. I took each symptom as they came and rolled with it. What where my symptoms? Running hot/cold, sore/itchy throat, severe headaches, fatigue (more than normal), eye pain, body aches and a loss of appetite. As you can see symptoms were many, but some different from others.

Do I know who got it from or how? I’m not 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure who, when and where I received it. The person I believe I got it from never went to the doctor even after a family member was tested positive for Covid. Well a few days later “they” started coughing. Then three days later I started coughing. No, “they” never went to the doctor. Still walking around and possibly spreading it.

This is what makes me mad, you came in contact, but you’re so worried about a job that will post your position the same week you die. So, you just walk around and possibly spreading it to others. At this point in the pandemic, how can we be so clueless and careless?

I may not always agree with what various government agencies may say, but, the science speaks volumes. The virus is real and we all need to take it serious. Will I take the vaccine? Probably not. Not enough proven facts just yet. I’m just saying. Everyone has to make a personal decision on that one. Still, everyone should be taking the necessary precautions everyday to help us get rid of this virus.


I’m going in a few days to get retested. Hopping for good news. In the mean time, protect yourself. Stay safe.

10 Favorite Things

Today I want to share 10 of my favorite things that I enjoy in life. My first list of the year.

  • Movies – I love watching movies. Mostly action movies.
  • Gummy Bears – Don’t judge me! I’ve cut back, but I try to keep at least one pack in the house.
  • Football – I’ve loved football since I was in Germany. Think I was in middle school when I started watching, but fell in love with it later in high school.
  • Dance videos – No, I’m not a dancer, but I enjoy watching those that do. It gives me life. I might attempt the easier routines or try the ones made for exercise. (I.e. Zumba is one example)
  • Site Seeing – It doesn’t matter where I go, I can almost find something to go see. I will even tour my own city like a tourist. You’ll be amazed at what you find. Try it!
  • Writing – I don’t write as much, but I’m getting back to my love. Poetry is one of top things to write followed by blogging.
  • Spoken Word – A good show is always good for the mind and body. It’s always a joy just to listen to all that raw talent.
  • Reading – This is another thing I’m trying to build back up. A good book can be read in a day or two.
  • Jewelry – I’ve always loved picking up a cute accessory, especially earrings and rings. Now that I see it, I’m falling in love with a lot more styles and colors. Let me go place an order! 😁
  • Photography – I’ve been in love with taking pictures since middle school. Yep, Germany again. How can you not like taking pictures in such a pretty country.

  • There’s my random list of 10 Favorite Things!