My Bad Habits

A bad habit. At least that’s what I consider them. Sometimes it works in my favor. Other times, not so much. Some of these bad habits I’ve been working on for years. I don’t know if it’ll ever change, but I’m still working on them. They are: my facial expression and procrastination. Just writing that had me shaking my head. I mean I procrastinated all day with writing this.

My facial expression always says it all. Like the saying goes “I wear my heart on my sleeves.” If I’m mad at you, you’ll see it. Won’t have to say a word. If I’m disgusted with something, you’ll see it. However, on the flip side, if I’m happy, you’ll know. If I love you, you’ll see it.

I was told early in my career that I needed to work on that and that I’ve been working on. Needless to say, I’ve not accomplished much. Still, I’ve made a little progress in controlling my expressions. Just not when I’m angry. Sometimes I can now conceal hurt. I can even conceal an attraction.
Still, this is something I’m working on.

I’ve gotten better over the years, but it’s still there. One thing I can never seem to hide is when I’m not feeling good. No amount of training or practice has helped in the slightest bit. I’ll never be able to play poker, because, I don’t think I’ll have that much control. Still, I think I’ve gotten better over the years. Not great, but better for sure.

Procrastination…What can I say. This habit does more harm than good with me. Don’t say it, we should never procrastinate, I know. Just go and get it done.

However, as crazy as this may sound, some of my best work be at the last minute. Not always, but more often than not. While in saying that, I still try hard not to procrastinate when I’m handling specific tasks like work or business. If I’m not interested in whatever I need to do, chances are 100% that I’ll find every reason to do it later.

There have been times when I was glad I waited to do something or go somewhere. Some of it I’d like to thank my gut instincts for. Other times were just pure luck. This is something I’ve been working on for a few years too. Although I’ve been working on this for a bit too, I haven’t made any progress with this. Maybe, one day something will click and I won’t procrastinate anymore. One can hope, right?

What’s a bad habit that you haven’t been able to break?

Dealing With Changes

Changes happen all the time in life. There’s really no way to avoid them. We may try to delay it as much as possible, but change will always happen.

I’m actually one of those people who doesn’t mind change at all. As a matter of fact, most of the time, I actually welcome it. It’s not always easy to adapt to change, but more often than not, it’s worth it. It’s all about adaptability.

Many companies have went out of business simply because they couldn’t adapt to change. Many people have been left behind because they couldn’t accept change, even if it saved them time or money.

Today I want to talk about a few changes I’ve dealt with in my working career. To know me, is to know I can get bored rather quickly. Most of my work experience comes from Wal-Mart. Regardless of your personal feelings, or some of what I’m about to discuss, Wal-Mart has changed to keep up with the times, that’s why they are still here.

I’ve always enjoyed learning new things. So when it came to work it wasn’t much different. Eventually, I applied for assistant manger and got it. Good days and bad days, I overall enjoyed what I was doing. To have the ability to teach and train others while taking care of customers was a great experience.

My biggest challenge came when I got accepted at a store in Alexandria, VA. I spent two years there. The stories I could tell from just those two years! What made that specific change so difficult? After all, I said yes to the position. Can you see my shrug? LOL

While I wasn’t living with either of my parents, I was never far away. Yes, I was able to call them anytime. Most days, like today, I talked to my mom multiple times a day. Not having them right there when wanted them or needed them was hard. Still, it was a change I was pushing through.

Another of those serious experiences I delt with was my job.  I mean, that was the reason for the move in the first place. Being an assistant manager at Walmart in Northern VA is a different experience than in GA.  The expectations are different.  One was because we were a prototype store. Because of that, the visits we received from corporate were almost every week. These were not your normal market, or regional visits. These were the staff from the CEO and CFO offices. Who would have thought I’d meet the person in charge of everyone’s payroll? That was just one. One of the many I had pleasant conversations with. Still, preparing for those visits could get stressful.

The people are also very different that I met there.  Even though it was a new culture, I so enjoyed learning about everyone’s home countries and their families.  Even learning phrases from their native tongue. Needless to say I’ve learned a lot about myself.  Learned some things about myself that surprised me. For instance, I was was hesistant, more like afraid to take on a specific area of the store. I embraced the change and got to work.  However, once I started learning the area, I actually learned a lot and think I did pretty good. Not great, but good enough to put up numbers that surprised my old supervisors back in GA.

I learned that because of the way I managed my associates they worked hard for me.  They worked for me when they wouldn’t work for others.  When I needed them to step up and be above average, they did it.  They constantly shined when it was extremely important.  That taught me that what I was doing was the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, the stress from dealing with scandalous bossees and team members took a toll on me and my body. This was a change I found unacceptable. Never thought I’d work with supervisors more drama filled than the associates they manage.

I was out of work twice due to an ankle injury.  Of course all the crazy hours didn’t help either.  I was even hospitalized with extreme high blood pressure, chest pain, and shortness of breath. All my vitals were at stroke level. My co worker was like she take me or I go in an ambulance.  Thank goodness I didn’t have  a stroke or heart attack.  Still, it did prompt me to leave the company for something less stressful.

I’ve made a few new great friends over this time.  We argured, disagreed and still remained true.  When I needed them, they were there. No questions asked.  Durning that time I also lost some so called friends.  I came to realize that some of them were hating on the changes I was making. It’s all good because I didn’t loose any sleep over it.

Like I said, changes could be good or bad. What matters most is how you deal with those changes. Accept the change the best you can. Remember to at least give it a chance before saying no.

Handling Rejection

First let’s start be defining rejection. Why? For some reason many people don’t really understand what a rejection is.

REJECTION: the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.

We’ve all been rejected at some point in life. Most, many times. If you claim you haven’t, then you my friend need reevaluate the definition of rejection. However, this isn’t about you, or the next person, it’s actually about me.

As I prepared to write this, I thought back to some of the rejections I’ve received and some I’ve issued. Let’s be real, rejections of any kind can be heartbreaking.

Yet, I sit here flipping through my 40+ years of memories trying to find a few that may have more significance than others.

The one, or you may say two rejections that hurt the most was the breakup of my ex finance. Which lead to rejection number two years later. I should have learned the lesson the first time. The breakup was so bad, I couldn’t even work that day. My supervisor told me to go home. I cried for hours and hours. The worst part? He was deployed at the the time. How did I handle it? I prayed and meditated. I was already beginning to allow hate to build and it wasn’t even 24 hours. That could not happen. I had to remember who I was. After all another person can’t define who I am. When I decided to let go, I let go.

Yes, I heard from him throughout the years. I still got excited to hear from him. It was almost fifteen years before I physically saw him again. Yes, I was giddy then too. We had a surprisingly good evening when I was in town. We talked, cleared the air. He reminded me why he set the bar back then. Still I knew, there wouldn’t be no “us”.  I was okay with that.

Years later, years again. This time I reached out to tell him about my dad passing. This was the beginning of the next huge rejection.  He was there and not there. Was excited to have him working with me. Until, the day he called me his sister to the chick I despised most. Okay, hated the most. I didn’t even qualify for friend or ex. Yea, some would have been okay with that, but I was pissed on a whole different level. Let’s just say it’s been 5 years since we spoke. With that rejection, I lost every bit of feeling I may have had. If I see in the building I feel nothing. No love, no hate, no anger, nothing.

I think those two moments were the worst. I’ve been denied jobs, rejected by other guys, nothing had me feeling like those two moments. So how do I do it? How do I handle being rejected?

For me, it’s a thought process. If I didn’t get the job, why was I going to stress over it. I moved on. If a guy didn’t like me, that’s his loss, not mine. If someone didn’t want to be friend, it’s cool. If they didn’t want to buy my product, I’m okay with them not being in my target audience. I’ve said all that to say I just brush it off. I refuse to allow another person or situation to make me feel that bad again. Don’t misunderstand what in saying. Don’t think I don’t put my all into it. If you’re my friend, then I’m a friend. I just don’t stress those that don’t want to be in my circle. I don’t stress those that don’t think I’m capable. I just show them otherwise.

Rejections in any form is not fun. It hurts regardless of the importance. Just don’t allow it to be all consuming. If you need help handling it, go to a trusted friend or family member. If necessary, get a professional. Under no circumstances should you allow the rejection to define who you are and what you do next!

My Communication

I’ve been out with Covid for about three weeks now. During this time I came to realize something. Before I get into all that, let me state my disclosures. This is ME. I’m not talking about other women. We can discuss it, but don’t try to change how I feel about it. I’m just saying.

I never denied the claim that I’m spoiled, because I am spoiled. No arguing there. Still, I always said I wasn’t a snobby brat. That I also still stand by. However… I realized one very important reason I stay single. Of course, I have my personal standards of what I need and want. Some I can comprise with, others, I don’t comprise at all.

One of those things I place an extreme high importance on is communication. Yes, most people SAY it’s important in their various relationships, but don’t actually show it. Sometimes people just mean communication as in knowing each other and/or where each other are, or what they are doing. All which are important.

The part of communication I’m talking about today is a little different. Again, understand this is ME. Friends have a certain level of communication. We don’t have to talk every day, or even every week. My best friend, we may talk once a month, but we understand each other. We communicate in number of different ways.

Friends with benefits require a different type of communication. So, you know, being a boyfriend, fiancee, husband is on a whole different level. One thing that’s for certain is, you will not stop talking mid conversation (unless you’re at work of course) and expect me to answer you at the drop of a dime. Nope. It doesn’t matter which level we are, it will not be okay. You will not go days without some form of communication and expect this to work. I enjoy the random text, the random phone calls. True enough, you don’t need to text, call or email ALL day. I don’t even need to see you everyday. Still, I love the corny, cute and flirty messages and calls.

You will not ignore me and think it’s okay. You will not not check on me when I’m sick and think it’s okay. You will not say a proper greeting (mainly when it’s the first conversation of the day) before stating what you want and think it’s okay. You will not treat me as an option and not a priority and think it’s okay. You will not dismiss me in public and call/text me in private and expect it to be okay. You will contact me only when you want something and think it’s cool.

Every type of relationship require good communication. Some more than others. Don’t expect more than you are willing to give. Again, we can discuss this all day.

My First Kiss & Love

My first kiss and my first love. Where to start?? I will start by saying that I will not tell you their names. Why? That’s just not the right thing to do. If they are reading this, they will know it’s them.

So……here we go.

My first kiss was a year or so after high school. I was 19 years old. Late I know. Even then, it wasn’t spectacular. Yet, it wasn’t awful either. It was just standard, okay. I know that sounds harsh. The guy wasn’t bad, it just didn’t do anything for me.  As much as I wanted it to, it wasn’t there. Nothing I could do about that. However, that should have been a sign. That relationship didn’t last very long.

I do wish my first kiss was the same as my first love. My first love……one word….WOW. My first love was earth shattering. The break up was too. Even still, this was the one that did it for me. When I say he did it, I mean he did everything.  He was the one that raised the bar. The one that made my heart skip a beat, get butterflies in my stomach, cheesing from ear to ear. He’s the one that I think we deserved a better chance. But, at that age, what do we really know? He was a friend first. He understood me. Or at least I thought he did.

Yes, I know we are not together, haven’t been for years, but even now he still sets this high bar that only one came close to reaching. He was there when I needed him the most. He was patient and understanding. Although we were not meant to be together for a lifetime, he was the season I needed. The season that took my breath away. He did it so easily.

I’m spoiled, but not materialistic. He gets that. I’m strong willed yet flexible. He gets that.  My standards are high yet simple. He gets that.  I like to be pampered but not smothered. He gets that. No, he’s not perfect. Yes, he has his faults. Hence, we are not together. He was a season that is so memorable and remarkable that nothing can change my thoughts and feelings about how we were, how I felt.

Breaking up with him was hard. Very hard. Harder than me leaving my ex husband. My ex husband, I cried for all of 15 minutes and moved on. On the other hand, my first love breakup, I cried for days. I couldn’t even go to work. Never felt that bad before, or since then. Seeing him after years still gave me the jitters. Still made me giddy with excitement.

I’m the person that don’t try to back to relationships that ended. This one, I did try. That was such a hard lesson to learn. The second time didn’t break heart as much as it pissed me off. I guess, maybe that really was my way of dealing with heartbreak at that time.

However, life moves on. I’ve moved on. The standard is there still there with a few adjustments to account for age, new experiences and new desires. He just no longer meets the standard he set. That’s the weird part to me. Still, he has his own life experiences to contend with. This all made me realize that some relationships are better left as friends. Had we not tried again, I believe we would still be friends. Will we be friends again in the future? This, only time will tell.

My Life Beliefs

Definition of BELIEF: an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

I have many beliefs that I strongly stick by. Some were taught to me growing up. Others, I learned later in life. For me, my beliefs are my own. Some you may agree with, some you won’t. And that’s okay. I know how to agree to disagree.  What I love about true friends, you don’t have to agree all the time.

One thing that I am very strict on is moving in together. To you that may be crazy. But that doesn’t change my view. No marriage, no living together.
As lame as this may sound, I think it saved me. While we are, I might as well say this too. I don’t date just to date. No I’m not desperate or dying to get married. It’s just a waste of time if it isn’t moving that way. Otherwise, what really is the point? Don’t try to change my mind because it won’t work.

I refuse to allow any job to kill me. My family and health come first. After my visit to the hospital a few years ago, I realized it was time for a change. I was hospitalized because all my vitals were at stroke levels. All my tests have back normal. So because of that I changed career paths a few times. My health is better in many ways for that change. Still, like nature, other issues arose, but still, I think I’m better.

I don’t believe in the line “Break up to make up”. Great song, but far from my reality. I don’t believe in drama or going backwards. Either we stick it out with less drama or we go our separate ways. There is no getting back together. If we broke up, then we broke up for a reason. Twice I went against that and it was not pretty. I’m peaceful and fairly easy to get along with.  So, I prefer as lil drama as possible.

Of course I have the basic beliefs that are core. I don’t steal, lie, or practice violence.   These are a few of my beliefs. Of course I have many other beliefs. Some of which I don’t typically discuss. No, it’s not that I’m afraid or embarrassed. I just rather not jump into those conversations. Unless we are dating and hit that serious stage, we probably won’t discuss a number of things. My beliefs don’t change because others don’t fit. If you have a belief (that isn’t against the law) then stick to it. If you believe it, and have your reasons to back it up why worry about others thoughts? Just make sure you stay within the law. I would also say stay morally upright, but that’s a whole different discussion that I rather not jump into right this minute.

Like I said, these are just some of my beliefs that have carried me throughout the years.

Testing Positive For Covid

So, we are a week into 2021. How are you feeling. Before I reflect on 2020, let me tell you how my 2021 actually started.

I ended the year with Covid. Yep, I’ve been in quarantine all week so far. I’ve tried not to complain much because there are others that have it much worse than I do.

I started feeling bad on Christmas evening with a cough and itchy throat. Over the next few days I thought I was developing a sinus infection. I never showed a fever, but I kept going hot and cold.

So, I go to work thinking I’ll just shake it off. That morning it was under 40°, but, I was sweating like crazy. Finally, I was convinced to go to the doctor. Again, I really thought it was my sinuses acting up again. Low and behold, I had a positive Covid test result. That threw me for a loop. Before even pulling out of the parking lot, I called the necessary people.

Yes, I got a little scared once I sat down. Still I couldn’t let it worry me. I took each symptom as they came and rolled with it. What where my symptoms? Running hot/cold, sore/itchy throat, severe headaches, fatigue (more than normal), eye pain, body aches and a loss of appetite. As you can see symptoms were many, but some different from others.

Do I know who got it from or how? I’m not 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure who, when and where I received it. The person I believe I got it from never went to the doctor even after a family member was tested positive for Covid. Well a few days later “they” started coughing. Then three days later I started coughing. No, “they” never went to the doctor. Still walking around and possibly spreading it.

This is what makes me mad, you came in contact, but you’re so worried about a job that will post your position the same week you die. So, you just walk around and possibly spreading it to others. At this point in the pandemic, how can we be so clueless and careless?

I may not always agree with what various government agencies may say, but, the science speaks volumes. The virus is real and we all need to take it serious. Will I take the vaccine? Probably not. Not enough proven facts just yet. I’m just saying. Everyone has to make a personal decision on that one. Still, everyone should be taking the necessary precautions everyday to help us get rid of this virus.

I’m going in a few days to get retested. Hopping for good news. In the mean time, protect yourself. Stay safe.

My Bad Habit

A bad habit. At least that’s what I consider it. Sometimes it works in my favor. Other times, not so much. This bad habit I’ve been working on for years. I don’t know if it’ll ever change, but I’m still working on it.

My facial expression always says it all. Like the saying goes “I wear my heart on my sleeves.” If I’m mad at you, you’ll see it. Won’t have to say a word. If I’m disgusted with something, you’ll see it. However, on the flip side, if I’m happy, you’ll know. If I love you, you’ll see it.

I was told early in my career that I needed to work on that and that I’ve been working on. Needless to say, I’ve not accomplished much. Still, I’ve made a little progress in controlling my expressions. Just not when I’m angry. Sometimes I can now conceal hurt. I can even conceal an attraction.
Still, this is something I’m working on.
I’ve gotten better over the years, but it’s still there. One thing I can never seem to hide is when I’m not feeling good. No amount of training or practice has helped in the slightest bit.

I’ll never be able to play poker, because, I don’t think I’ll have that much control. Still, I think I’ve gotten better over the years. Not great, but better for sure.

What’s a bad habit that you haven’t been able to break?

10 Favorite Things

Today I want to share 10 of my favorite things that I enjoy in life. My first list of the year.

  • Movies – I love watching movies. Mostly action movies.
  • Gummy Bears – Don’t judge me! I’ve cut back, but I try to keep at least one pack in the house.
  • Football – I’ve loved football since I was in Germany. Think I was in middle school when I started watching, but fell in love with it later in high school.
  • Dance videos – No, I’m not a dancer, but I enjoy watching those that do. It gives me life. I might attempt the easier routines or try the ones made for exercise. (I.e. Zumba is one example)
  • Site Seeing – It doesn’t matter where I go, I can almost find something to go see. I will even tour my own city like a tourist. You’ll be amazed at what you find. Try it!
  • Writing – I don’t write as much, but I’m getting back to my love. Poetry is one of top things to write followed by blogging.
  • Spoken Word – A good show is always good for the mind and body. It’s always a joy just to listen to all that raw talent.
  • Reading – This is another thing I’m trying to build back up. A good book can be read in a day or two.
  • Jewelry – I’ve always loved picking up a cute accessory, especially earrings and rings. Now that I see it, I’m falling in love with a lot more styles and colors. Let me go place an order! 😁
  • Photography – I’ve been in love with taking pictures since middle school. Yep, Germany again. How can you not like taking pictures in such a pretty country.

  • There’s my random list of 10 Favorite Things!