My First Kiss & Love

My first kiss and my first love. Where to start?? I will start by saying that I will not tell you their names. Why? That’s just not the right thing to do. If they are reading this, they will know it’s them.

So……here we go.

My first kiss was a year or so after high school. I was 19 years old. Late I know. Even then, it wasn’t spectacular. Yet, it wasn’t awful either. It was just standard, okay. I know that sounds harsh. The guy wasn’t bad, it just didn’t do anything for me.  As much as I wanted it to, it wasn’t there. Nothing I could do about that. However, that should have been a sign. That relationship didn’t last very long.

I do wish my first kiss was the same as my first love. My first love……one word….WOW. My first love was earth shattering. The break up was too. Even still, this was the one that did it for me. When I say he did it, I mean he did everything.  He was the one that raised the bar. The one that made my heart skip a beat, get butterflies in my stomach, cheesing from ear to ear. He’s the one that I think we deserved a better chance. But, at that age, what do we really know? He was a friend first. He understood me. Or at least I thought he did.

Yes, I know we are not together, haven’t been for years, but even now he still sets this high bar that only one came close to reaching. He was there when I needed him the most. He was patient and understanding. Although we were not meant to be together for a lifetime, he was the season I needed. The season that took my breath away. He did it so easily.

I’m spoiled, but not materialistic. He gets that. I’m strong willed yet flexible. He gets that.  My standards are high yet simple. He gets that.  I like to be pampered but not smothered. He gets that. No, he’s not perfect. Yes, he has his faults. Hence, we are not together. He was a season that is so memorable and remarkable that nothing can change my thoughts and feelings about how we were, how I felt.

Breaking up with him was hard. Very hard. Harder than me leaving my ex husband. My ex husband, I cried for all of 15 minutes and moved on. On the other hand, my first love breakup, I cried for days. I couldn’t even go to work. Never felt that bad before, or since then. Seeing him after years still gave me the jitters. Still made me giddy with excitement.

I’m the person that don’t try to back to relationships that ended. This one, I did try. That was such a hard lesson to learn. The second time didn’t break heart as much as it pissed me off. I guess, maybe that really was my way of dealing with heartbreak at that time.

However, life moves on. I’ve moved on. The standard is there still there with a few adjustments to account for age, new experiences and new desires. He just no longer meets the standard he set. That’s the weird part to me. Still, he has his own life experiences to contend with. This all made me realize that some relationships are better left as friends. Had we not tried again, I believe we would still be friends. Will we be friends again in the future? This, only time will tell.

My Life Beliefs

Definition of BELIEF: an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

I have many beliefs that I strongly stick by. Some were taught to me growing up. Others, I learned later in life. For me, my beliefs are my own. Some you may agree with, some you won’t. And that’s okay. I know how to agree to disagree.  What I love about true friends, you don’t have to agree all the time.

One thing that I am very strict on is moving in together. To you that may be crazy. But that doesn’t change my view. No marriage, no living together.
As lame as this may sound, I think it saved me. While we are, I might as well say this too. I don’t date just to date. No I’m not desperate or dying to get married. It’s just a waste of time if it isn’t moving that way. Otherwise, what really is the point? Don’t try to change my mind because it won’t work.

I refuse to allow any job to kill me. My family and health come first. After my visit to the hospital a few years ago, I realized it was time for a change. I was hospitalized because all my vitals were at stroke levels. All my tests have back normal. So because of that I changed career paths a few times. My health is better in many ways for that change. Still, like nature, other issues arose, but still, I think I’m better.

I don’t believe in the line “Break up to make up”. Great song, but far from my reality. I don’t believe in drama or going backwards. Either we stick it out with less drama or we go our separate ways. There is no getting back together. If we broke up, then we broke up for a reason. Twice I went against that and it was not pretty. I’m peaceful and fairly easy to get along with.  So, I prefer as lil drama as possible.

Of course I have the basic beliefs that are core. I don’t steal, lie, or practice violence.   These are a few of my beliefs. Of course I have many other beliefs. Some of which I don’t typically discuss. No, it’s not that I’m afraid or embarrassed. I just rather not jump into those conversations. Unless we are dating and hit that serious stage, we probably won’t discuss a number of things. My beliefs don’t change because others don’t fit. If you have a belief (that isn’t against the law) then stick to it. If you believe it, and have your reasons to back it up why worry about others thoughts? Just make sure you stay within the law. I would also say stay morally upright, but that’s a whole different discussion that I rather not jump into right this minute.

Like I said, these are just some of my beliefs that have carried me throughout the years.

Testing Positive For Covid

So, we are a week into 2021. How are you feeling. Before I reflect on 2020, let me tell you how my 2021 actually started.

I ended the year with Covid. Yep, I’ve been in quarantine all week so far. I’ve tried not to complain much because there are others that have it much worse than I do.

I started feeling bad on Christmas evening with a cough and itchy throat. Over the next few days I thought I was developing a sinus infection. I never showed a fever, but I kept going hot and cold.

So, I go to work thinking I’ll just shake it off. That morning it was under 40°, but, I was sweating like crazy. Finally, I was convinced to go to the doctor. Again, I really thought it was my sinuses acting up again. Low and behold, I had a positive Covid test result. That threw me for a loop. Before even pulling out of the parking lot, I called the necessary people.

Yes, I got a little scared once I sat down. Still I couldn’t let it worry me. I took each symptom as they came and rolled with it. What where my symptoms? Running hot/cold, sore/itchy throat, severe headaches, fatigue (more than normal), eye pain, body aches and a loss of appetite. As you can see symptoms were many, but some different from others.

Do I know who got it from or how? I’m not 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure who, when and where I received it. The person I believe I got it from never went to the doctor even after a family member was tested positive for Covid. Well a few days later “they” started coughing. Then three days later I started coughing. No, “they” never went to the doctor. Still walking around and possibly spreading it.

This is what makes me mad, you came in contact, but you’re so worried about a job that will post your position the same week you die. So, you just walk around and possibly spreading it to others. At this point in the pandemic, how can we be so clueless and careless?

I may not always agree with what various government agencies may say, but, the science speaks volumes. The virus is real and we all need to take it serious. Will I take the vaccine? Probably not. Not enough proven facts just yet. I’m just saying. Everyone has to make a personal decision on that one. Still, everyone should be taking the necessary precautions everyday to help us get rid of this virus.


I’m going in a few days to get retested. Hopping for good news. In the mean time, protect yourself. Stay safe.

My Bad Habit

A bad habit. At least that’s what I consider it. Sometimes it works in my favor. Other times, not so much. This bad habit I’ve been working on for years. I don’t know if it’ll ever change, but I’m still working on it.

My facial expression always says it all. Like the saying goes “I wear my heart on my sleeves.” If I’m mad at you, you’ll see it. Won’t have to say a word. If I’m disgusted with something, you’ll see it. However, on the flip side, if I’m happy, you’ll know. If I love you, you’ll see it.

I was told early in my career that I needed to work on that and that I’ve been working on. Needless to say, I’ve not accomplished much. Still, I’ve made a little progress in controlling my expressions. Just not when I’m angry. Sometimes I can now conceal hurt. I can even conceal an attraction.
Still, this is something I’m working on.
I’ve gotten better over the years, but it’s still there. One thing I can never seem to hide is when I’m not feeling good. No amount of training or practice has helped in the slightest bit.

I’ll never be able to play poker, because, I don’t think I’ll have that much control. Still, I think I’ve gotten better over the years. Not great, but better for sure.

What’s a bad habit that you haven’t been able to break?

10 Favorite Things

Today I want to share 10 of my favorite things that I enjoy in life. My first list of the year.

  • Movies – I love watching movies. Mostly action movies.
  • Gummy Bears – Don’t judge me! I’ve cut back, but I try to keep at least one pack in the house.
  • Football – I’ve loved football since I was in Germany. Think I was in middle school when I started watching, but fell in love with it later in high school.
  • Dance videos – No, I’m not a dancer, but I enjoy watching those that do. It gives me life. I might attempt the easier routines or try the ones made for exercise. (I.e. Zumba is one example)
  • Site Seeing – It doesn’t matter where I go, I can almost find something to go see. I will even tour my own city like a tourist. You’ll be amazed at what you find. Try it!
  • Writing – I don’t write as much, but I’m getting back to my love. Poetry is one of top things to write followed by blogging.
  • Spoken Word – A good show is always good for the mind and body. It’s always a joy just to listen to all that raw talent.
  • Reading – This is another thing I’m trying to build back up. A good book can be read in a day or two.
  • Jewelry – I’ve always loved picking up a cute accessory, especially earrings and rings. Now that I see it, I’m falling in love with a lot more styles and colors. Let me go place an order! 😁
  • Photography – I’ve been in love with taking pictures since middle school. Yep, Germany again. How can you not like taking pictures in such a pretty country.

  • There’s my random list of 10 Favorite Things!

    2 Months Post Op TKR

    I’ve reached my two month post op. I saw my doctor this week. I was pretty pleased with the visit. It was a short visit too. That made it even better.

    I did address two issues, the pain in the back of my knee and still not sleeping through the night. I did get a few good nights, then it was back to about two hours. Y’all, when he pressed on my knee where it hurt, I almost jumped out the chair!!! I wanted to scream so bad. I didn’t though. He did give me some exercises to do and some steroids. I had to see my doctor about the sleeping issue. That was my plan anyway.

    I do feel that I’m getting stronger. It was easier to get in my jeep. It was also easier going down the steps at my apartment today. So both of those are plusses. I was supposed to be done with PT, but he sent in a few more weeks because I was concerned about my strength with the stairs.

    When I visited my general doctor the following day about my shoulder pain, he gave me something for sleep. Yea, it’s not working. I may have too many meds in my system too. Time to flush my system a little. When he looked at my shoulder he said I have a strained rotator cuff. Yep, more PT. I’m assuming it came from me pushing up with that arm during the healing process.

    I have about another month to build my energy level back up before going back to work. So I’ll start a walking program. Overall pretty good progress.

    Where are you in your healing progress?

    I’m Thankful For My Dad

    It’s been four years since my dad passed. I’m thankful for the strength I gained and learned from my dad and during the years since he passed.

    My dad was the type of man that always made sure home was taken care of. We always had the things we needed and most of the things we wanted. Even as we grew into adults, he still made sure we didn’t want for anything. I’m thankful for that lesson he taught us. That’s a standard that’s always been high with my sisters and I. Dad showed us what a man of the house was supposed to do. Yes, my mom worked after we were in school, but my dad still made sure she was taken care of, even after they separated.

    Even though we didn’t always get along, we created some great memories over the years. It’s those memories that I’m able to carry with me today. I’ll always be eternally grateful for those memories we were able to create from childhood on. Even as I write this I’m remembering some things that always make me smile.

    Yes I’m sad that my dad is gone. There’s nothing that can change that. However, I can smile because I know he’s not hurting anymore. I also know that he gave us what he could to ensure we could celebrate him. He gave us memories to carry with us each and every day. He gave us memories to help us smile when we think of him. For that I must express my gratitude.

    Daddy I thank you for everything you did for us.

    Why Share My Gratitude

    I love doing gratitude challenges. I also love to share my gratitude challenges through my blog. Why?

    I love doing gratitude challenges because it keeps me grounded. They help remind me of the many things I should be thankful for. The small things sometimes go unnoticed, this reminds me of those things. When I start and end my day by being thankful it makes for a better day and an even better night.

    Why share the gratitude challenges on my blog? I know, I could just meditate on it, write it in my journal, but I like to do more. I know, I’m a little extra sometimes. By sharing on my blog it holds me accountable. I’m always looking for ways to make myself accountable. I also do it it in hopes of helping someone else. Sometimes we all need reminders of things we can be thankful for.

    Sometimes I know things can be going all wrong in our lives. It makes it hard to be positive and thankful at times. This serves as a reminder that we should be grateful for even the small things in life.

    Do you share your gratitude with others, or do you keep it private?

    Having Surgery? Had Surgery?

    My quick update: My recovery process is going pretty good right now. I missed almost a week and half of physical therapy because my therapist was out with a suck family member. So between that and all the rain and dropping temperature have me a slight setback and made me very stiff. I’m getting back in the groove of things.

    With that being said, this post isn’t really all about me. It’s about you. Maybe you are thinking about total/partial or some other knee surgery, or any surgery really. Maybe, your surgery is scheduled and you need more information or advice. Maybe you’ve had your TKR and don’t know what to do now. This is for you all.

    When a doctor tells you need to have surgery it can be a scary and nervous moment. Even more so if you’ve never heard of it before. It’s completely normal and to be expected. I know when I was first told a total knee replacement was needed I felt all kinds of butterflies in my stomach. After all, you always hear the horror stories, rarely the positive. Today, I’m going to weave in bits of both from my journeys. Most of my journey will be centered around my last surgeries, which were total knee replacements. I’ve had others over the years that not limited to the knees.

    When you find out you need to have surgery, what do you do? The key is ALWAYS research. Don’t just go off one website either. When I found out I had to have a TKR, I was pulling up information daily. Yes my doctor was awesome both times with the expectations I should have. I felt like I needed more. Granted, 80% of what I found was the exact same thing he said. Some he hadn’t mentioned, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. It just made me more informed. When doing your research remember that most people post their horror stories, not the good stories. While you’re doing research, you find you have questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to ask your doctor. I kept my doctor and nurse on speed dial. I even had a nurse from my insurance company assigned to me.

    So now you decided to do the surgery, right? You’ve done your research. What do you do leading up to the surgery? The most obvious, yet, most ignored answer, FOLLOW ALL OF THE DOCTOR INSTRUCTIONS!!! This should be a no brainer, but we as people can be hardheaded sometimes. The instructions they give you will be beneficial going into surgery and coming out of surgery.

    I always tell people to prepare in other ways as much as possible. What do I mean? When I had my breast reduction it was very important to have shirts and dresses that didn’t require me to lift my arms much. For my TKR, you want accessible items. A raised toilet, raised bed, shorts, extra pillows, and other things that will help. I found that this is a question to ask others who have been through it some of their BEST practices. Try to stay with the positive aspects. It’s important to go into surgery with a positive attitude.

    So you’ve had your surgery and headed home. My word of advice is again, FOLLOW ALL DOCTORS ORDERS! If there is something you can’t do or it makes the pain worse, contact your doctor. Don’t overdo it. With my TKR I was able to exercise laying down. I would bend my leg while laying on my side. However, I was cautious to not over bend it. While recovering, don’t be afraid or proud to ask for help. If you have family or friends that can help in the beginning, let them. Just don’t get dependent on it. That can be your worst enemy.

    With my TKR I had a roller coaster of emotions. The pain was up and down in the beginning with all surgeries. Also with the TKR my sleep is way off. I’m saying this not to scare you, instead to give you a heads up. You’re body is going through some rough stuff with surgery, so some things might change with your body.

    I hope all of your surgeries go just fine and you have a speedy recovery. Keep your head up!!!! If there are any questions I can answer from my personal experience, I will.