The question was raised, “What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced”? That was not hard to answer. But feeling the emotions that came with that thought was a lot harder.
The answer to that question is, the loss of my dad. Sometimes the image I saw that day just randomly pops in my head. Sometimes I can breathe through it fairly easy, others not so much. Then I think of how if I hadn’t taken that nap that day. Yes, the guilty feeling. I already know what you’re going to say. Still, it doesn’t stop the feelings. Most days I’m able to push it to the side, get through the day and cry at home. Other days I find my self snapping at the smallest things.
That weekend of my dad’s passing was so hard. To see my family going through it and not being able to do anything about it but be there for them. To know that it hit them just as hard made it that much harder. I mean what do you say to those that mean the most to you when you don’t know you really feel? How do you encourage someone else when your thoughts are a jumble mess?
Please don’t get confused, I understand the cause, I understand it was going to happen at some point. Granted didn’t expect it then and there. I also understand the process of life and death as well as the grieving process. I probably skipped some of the steps originally I’m sure. I’ll probably continue to go through the missed steps over time.
Before I go, I want to thank everyone that has been there!!