The closer we get to June, the more anxious and temperamental I get. Yes, I not only recognize it, but also working on it.
Not only is Father’s Day in June, but my dad was born in June. June will be six months since I lost my father. Yes, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings during this time.
I know grieving is a processes. I also realize that I deal with it by staying busy. I did it when my grandmother passed, and anyone that knows me, know I’ve been awfully busy recently.
As I try not to allow it to get to me, or let it show, I can see I’m only delaying the inevitable. I’m skipping steps in the process. I know this because there are things I avoid doing to avoid the emotional release. Or at least that’s the way I see it. Explain? Sure, no problem. The largest piece of evidence is the fact that I haven’t been to his grave. I want to, need to. However, I can always find a reason to wait. Then there is the small stuff. He bought this specific water and I can’t find it in myself to drink the last bottle. I have other things to remember him by, but I just can’t drink that water. It’s weird. It is what it is.
How will I react on his birthday? I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll be plenty busy since it’s a work day. Father’s Day…again, who knows. I’m treading in uncharted waters as well as my sisters, mom and other extended family members. What I’m grateful for is the family I have to support each other. I’m also thankful for my close friends that provide that shoulder to lean on.