The Struggle Is Real

As some of you may know, I lost my dad last month (January).  So to say this month has been a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement to the 100th power. While I felt I was fairly strong leading up to services, just recently I think the range of feelings and emotions really hit me.

I found myself not sleeping at night. I would wake up every hour, almost on the nose.  My patience was already a fruitage of the spirit I’ve been working on for years. So what little I had control over is out the window.  Doesn’t take much to bite your head off.  Then I have, don’t know if this is the correct word for it, but feelings of depression and anger.   Yes, my emotions have been all over the place. To be honest they still are.

I found myself staying busy. Working, grinding, making moves in silence. I was told by a few friends I was pushing myself too hard. Sometimes, I feel it’s not enough because every time I slow down or stop, my brain is racing. Too much time to think. Too much time to see that unforgettable image.

Last night really sunk in that I have some amazingly great friends in my small circle of friends.  It also helped me to realize that others have went through similar or still going through it. 

During one of the conversations it was bought to my attention that my photography is what relaxes me. Yes, I knew this in December. However, it hasn’t really registered since that fateful night, that is what works.  Like I said, awesome friends. Those that may still be going through something similar, find that special thing that just relaxes you.

Upon getting home from our wonderful GNO, I laid down to just think and pray.  The unending support and love I’ve received has been bountiful. I replayed conversations, thoughts, emails, visions, it all made me smile.  It showed me that I needed to share my story. No, not for pity. Instead in hopes of encouraging someone else. While I’m a mixture of introvert and extrovert, I know many are introvert and may not freely discuss what’s going on.

Thanks to everyone that has been there since day one. You guys rock! Love you to the moon and back.

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